


Snakes Are Never A Good Fashion Choice

by Measured



Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Community: comment_fic, Dating, Fluff, M/M, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-17
Updated: 2011-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured/pseuds/Measured
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Super Heroes don't get to have nice dinners uninterrupted any more, do they?"</p><p>Johnny and Peter have a date. it isn't long before it's interrupted by a eighties reject villain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snakes Are Never A Good Fashion Choice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Traincat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traincat/gifts).



> Comment_fic, Marvel Comics, Any, "Super Heroes don't get to have nice dinners uninterrupted any more, do they?".

Johnny Storm is never late. _Fashionably late_ because he had to stop cyborg aliens from another dimension from stealing his niece or nephew, sure. In fact, that happened last Monday. But out and out late? Nada. And he isn't late this time, which is good because his date looks on the verge of bolting.

He flashes his brightest, most charming smile. He's got the hottest date around, but no one is paying attention. Maybe because his date looks like he routinely steals from Kon the Superboy's closet. And for the record, Kon looks like there is some time warp keeping him eternally in the early nineties. Maybe if he wasn't wearing baggy shirt which covered those fine abs of his they'd take notice. Or if he had his Spidersuit on.

Yeah, that's right. Johnny Storm is dating Spiderman. And it's about the same as being friends with him, except there's sex and it's awesome. Which makes him wonder why they didn't start this earlier. Seriously, it feels like he invented the frickin' wheel, or maybe figured out that chocolate and peanut butter and yet all he can think is that _this should've been fairly obvious_.

But hey, they had issues. All crime fighters do, his just happen to be sexier than most.

But now, Peter doesn't look like he fights crime. He looks more like he fights bill collectors and maybe decent fashion sense. He's surprised the waiter didn't just tell him to go around back and start washing dishes. He is honest to God wearing flannel over a t-shirt. He loves Pete to death, really, but someone needs to burn his wardrobe and then forcibly drag him on a shopping spree.

And he is totally the guy to do it. In fact, he totally will, barring that there aren't any Skrull invasions before next Monday.

"I see you dressed up," Johnny teases. He cuffs Pete playfully on the shoulder.

Peter rolls his eyes. "The new temp spilled coffee on what I wore to the office, and my best shirt got turned pink at the dryer."

"I bet pink could be your color," Johnny says. "It'd bring out your feminine qualities."

"Feminine qualities, now?" Peter asks, skeptically.

"Yeah, like that way you screamed last night—"

That makes Pete flush all read and cute like. "Oh, come on–"

"Or that," he teases.

Pete groans. He covers his face with his hands and rubs at his forehead like he has a headache.

"You need to relax more, Pete," Johnny says. He doesn't even have dark glasses on, because dark glasses cannot hide his fabulousness and everyone would still know it was him. Pete looks uptight, but he gets like that when the public eye comes around. He's kinda private, not that Johnny can blame him, given the sorts of things that have happened to him when things got out.

"Easier said than done," Peter says dryly.

Johnny pulls out his menu, and gives it a glance. Nothing new, but he likes this place. It's a classic, like something right out of that scene of _Lady and the Tramp_.

Which makes him think they should order the pasta, just so he can reenact that scene. Who says romance is dead? It certainly isn't on his watch.

"So how was your day?" Johnny asks, giving Peter all his attention like a good boyfriend.

"Oh, let's see...Jameson was crazy, and I had to skip out on my lunch break to go take down this new guy called The Rattler....let's just say he's got a snake and poison theme."

"Why did it have to be snakes?" Johnny quotes. They've watched the Indiana Jones series together about ten times already on their movie marathons.

"Preeeetty much," Peter says. He smiles, like he's starting to unwind.

"As for me? I was fabulous and had an awesome time. Just like always."

Peter's surely snide remark is cut off as glass breaks and people scream in the bank across the way.

Pete sighs. "Super Heroes don't get to have nice dinners uninterrupted any more, do they?"

Johnny is genuinely ticked. This is the third date that's been crashed in a row. This should be the cue for Tony Stark or Captain America to take care of it, but neither one shows.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Pete," Johnny says. "I think this is our new thing. It'll be like that time we fought zombies together."

"That was on your Xbox," Peter says.

Johnny shrugs. "Same difference."

Then they're running out–it isn't even a dine and dash because they never, ever get to the dining part–and flame on. He puts an extra burst of flame so Pete can change. He recently had Reed up the heat intake, and they could pretty much party on the sun if they wanted to.

"All right so, we trounce them and then get a bucket of fried chicken and make questionable choices regarding our television watching. Deal?"

"If it means I can wear flannel without publicly shaming you, then it's a deal," Peter says.

He leans out his flaming fist to be bumped, and Pete does, and his suit isn't even smoking. Reed's stuff never fails, after all.

"This could totally be a thing," Johnny says as they fly in towards the soon-to-be-trounced bad guys.

Pete doesn't quite respond, because he's busy lobbing a web towards the first masked goon. He sticks his arm and the gun he's carrying straight to the bulletproof glass. Another web has him stuck completely to the side, kicking his feet into the air and finding nothing but more air.

Johnny just stands floats there in the exit for a moment, being flaming and awesome. Also guarding the door, and spending a prime moment to enjoy how well his boyfriend fills out that spider suit.

But only a moment, because there's the Rattler with his questionable eighties-style fashion choices and his guns that fire snakes. Also, did he mention the snakes? As in creepy crawly poisonous green things. Everywhere. Peter wasn't kidding when he said the guy loved snakes. People are screaming and unsure whether to hide on the down low with their head ducked under their arms, or jump as far away as possible form the creepy crawlies.

But soon he's flying in and people are using his distraction to run out, because apparently snakes beat guns every time. He's not even sure where snake-firing-guns are on this chart, but it's probably high up there. The receptionists are hiding behind the desk, occasionally letting out screams when one of the creepy things gets near them.

The Rattler wears spandex with ribbed-pseudo scale body armor and has a giant colorful collar, and snake fangs necklace over his bald head. He's apparently trying for "dangerous cobra" but he's coming off more like "drag Vegas dancer".

"You foooools!" He bellows. "I am the _Rattler!_ You cannot beat me! I have a gun that fires snakes!"

"Really? You look like Eighties Reject man to me," Johnny says.

"Ooh, _burned_ ," Pete says.

He levels his snake firing gun, but in the end, fire beat snake guns. It's not very effective. The mutant evil snakes were made crispy in seconds with a particularly nice flame on, while all Eighties Drag Man could do was bellow.

"No! My plans, my glorious, beautiful _plans!_ "

"I hope you planned for this!" Peter shoots another web, this time to the ceiling and came in with a swing, landing full force on his chest. He went down for a second time that day.

"I can't believe that circus freak escaped already," Peter said between pants.

"Maybe he used his snake gun to get out of jail, or something," Johnny says. "You'd think it was almost as bad as Arkham or something."

The lights are already flashing, and by tomorrow there would be sure to be some line with like _Human Torch Saves Day, Spiderman Continues To Be A Horrible Person Who Kicks Kittens And Steals From Old Ladies And Made Out With Your Sister._ But Pete has to be used to it by now.

"Let's blow this popsicle joint," Johnny says, winking a fiery wink to Peter. He can't exactly tell if Pete is winking back, but he'd like to think he did.

"I can't wait for dinner, I'm starved," Peter says.

"Sorry for being a bad boyfriend, but you know what mom always says: you gotta fight your crime and save the world before you can have dessert."

"Yeah, Steve always did say that," Peter says with a laugh.

They fly off, looking like Tony Stark and Captain America with their manly hugs of bromance. So, not a lot has changed, except one thing: the sex is really awesome.


End file.
